abuse.

i don't usually write about such a serious topic. but it's been on my heart lately.

abuse. verbal, emotional, physical, sexual. it's everywhere!

i don't know of a day that goes by where i haven't seen it or heard of it.

and it totally sickens me.

maybe you grew up being abused? or you had a friend who was. i was.

i won't go into all the details of it because, as an adult now, 

i can honestly say it's in the past and i've forgiven it all.

but it changes who you might have been, in your core being, it molds you.

for me, i learned from it.

i learned that people have hurts inside that they don't know how to deal with.

i learned that they don't always want to be that way.

i learned that they were never, ever given the tools to manage their pain.

i learned that they try to mask that pain with drugs and alcohol.

i learned that at some point in their life, they had the "choice" to make:

"should i do what i've learned, or choose differently"

i learned that every person is different the moment they were born, 

and we were all born with our own thought process, temperaments and traits.

i learned that abuse is not ok. ever. no matter what.

i understand the arguments from both sides.

on one hand, you have the person who yells out:

"but they CHOSE those drugs" or "they chose to be abusive"

and on the other hand you have the one who quietly says:
"they must have thought they had no other choice"

i agree with both!

but my thoughts are pretty simple on that...

until you have lived and lost,

until you have hit rock bottom,

until you have had no support,

until you have survived unbelievable pain,

until you die...

you have absolutely no right to judge someone else.

i am not saying you have to accept it by any means.

do. not. accept. abuse.

but unless you are willing to reach out to help that person,

or simply pray from a distance...

then my suggestion is this: shut your pie hole.

and if you are near a person who is abusive in any way, leave. the end.

it is better to have nothing than to deal with abuse.

what wears on me daily, is women.

we all know the typical "men are abusive" scenario.

but let's switch sides here.

i want to talk about emotional and verbal abuse from women.

from moms. from sisters. from daughters. from young girls.

oh. my. g.o.s.h. (as my 6 yr old son would say)

why? why is this ok?

why is it ok for a mom to degrade her kids and talk to them like they are total crap?

why is it ok for a wife to belittle her husband?

why is it ok for a sister to treat her siblings like they are worthless?

why do daughters get away with talking to their moms in total disrespect?

why are little girls talking to their 'bffs' like they are total idiots?

and why is society sitting back saying "i can't believe where this world has gone!"

how can you not believe it? we've all allowed it!!!

WOMEN. MOMS. WIFES. 

as moms and wives, we have to stop.

and it's not gonna be easy (whether you're being abused or your taking the abuse)

if you treat your husband like crap, it's probably because you were taught to do so.

so what are you showing your children?

if you degrade your kids, what do you think they will pass on to theirs?

if you disrespect your daughter, how do you expect her to respect you?

and if you allow your daughter to be disrespectful, of course she's gonna treat her friends like idiots.

if you stay in an abusive relationship, what are you showing your kids?

you are showing them: THIS IS OK.

i do not care if you say "this isn't ok". because it doesn't matter what you say.

it matters what you do. actions speak louder than words.

it is a cycle. just like everything in life.

what comes around GOES AROUND.

i stated that abuse effects you to your core being.

how are we letting our children grow and thrive and 

learn who they are if we aren't allowing them to do so.

if you're allowing any type of abuse to happen to your children,

you are hindering who they are.

maybe they will grow up like i did and meet an amazing spouse who will

appreciate them, never abuse them and fully love them until they are better.

but what if they don't?

do we, as moms, want to imagine "what if they don't?"

if you're verbally abusing your husband, your kids are seeing.

your daughter is saying "oh, this IS ok"

she will try to do it with her spouse.

God forbid she has an abusive spouse. 

it will be a recipe for the most poisonous marriage ever.

and if we are allowing our husbands to abuse us, we are teaching our sons the same,

"this IS ok".

i am so thankful every single day that i married such a wonderful man.

a man who shows me love when i'm unlovable.

a dad who doesn't abuse his children.

a husband that provides for us without making us feel guilty.

a man who is raising sons to be like he is and allowing me to raise a daughter

who will love and respect herself enough to find a husband like her daddy.

if you need help, find help. 

stop being a psycho.

stop yelling at the top of your lungs at your kids.

would you talk to your friends that way? then why would you talk to your kids that way?

respect your kids. they deserve atleast that much.

accept other people for their faults.

it doesn't mean you have to be around them and put up with their abuse.

either help them, pray for them or get away from them.

there is no reason any of us need to deal with abuse in any form.

i am in no way perfect, that's for sure.

i've been a psycho. i've screamed louder than my kids. i've spanked them.

i've belittled my kids. i've talked to my husband like crap!

i've done it too. i didn't know what else to do. 

i had a rough start to being a mom and wife. i was pretty lost.

i had so much anger inside that i took it out on everyone else.

but i work on it. every day. i pray about it. 

when i get worked up and feel my inner psycho being released...

i have my coping mechanisms.

my fave is to get in my car and go for a drive.

usually i just need to cry it all out until i'm drained.

find a way to cope.

and i ask for forgiveness. but when i do, i don't make the same mistake twice.

your children will always forgive you but they will not forget.

we have to start a better cycle somewhere and sometime.

why not now? every day counts. stop hurting your children in their hearts.

i swear to you, you are changing your children everyday you abuse them

or their dads, or their grandparents. 

YOU are doing it. 

(suggestion: read The Love Dare and/or The Love Dare for parents)

like i said in the beginning, this has been on my heart.

not just for a few weeks, but for my entire life.

i am ready to speak out about it and i'm not ashamed.

it changed my heart and made me a very compassionate person.

i believe God has been by my side through all the struggles,

even when i thought He wasn't. He was.

He changed me back and got rid of all that hurt.

He took the pain in my heart and while there are still some roots that linger,

it's a daily reminder of where i've been and where i don't want to go.

i know some of you that are reading this have been abused or are abusing someone else.

go get help. it is there. stop saying it's not. stop being ashamed before it's too late.

you are not hiding it from anyone. 

xoxoxo.

erin.themom <3